So, I'm new to this forum, but I'm on forums a lot and I tend to make threads. I figure I'll just make this thread.
How do you deal with not wanting to deal with people in general? I'm sort of a weird split case, in that I often wish that I had people to hang out with, but then whoever I talk to ends up not being that interesting to talk to anyways, or they're the fleeting sort of online friendships which don't last.
I often find myself just feeling awful after I deal with people, I spent the majority of last year not really talking to anyone. I spend almost all of my time alone away from people and hardly leaving my house, even after approaching some people I ended up feeling absolutely awful, because whatever I did to try to talk to people was just awkward as hell.
What has been your experience with social isolation? Are you comfortable with it or does being alone so much tend to drive you crazy? Ever since I was a little kid talking to people just wore me out. Talking with people for prolonged periods of time makes it harder to think. I guess I'm just an extremely sensitive person, it takes a lot of energy to deal with people.
I guess in my perfect idea of friends, it would be people who don't find me creepy, who share some of the deeper interests that I have. When I say deeper interests, I mean talk about deep stuff that you shouldn't share with others. Because who the fuck just wants to make friends so they can have small talk? The only people I ever talk to are on the internet, but those friendships are always fleeting.
Like idk, I just imagine good friends being people you can have sexual orgies with, or play music, or go out and just sit somewhere and talk about whatever you want.
I do worry about the impact it has on my mind. Sometimes I worry that I feel like I'm going insane, but other times I just think about how god awful the anxiety that being around people gives me.
I am quite anti-social person and I don't enjoy company of people.
I listen music at home so I don't meet people with same music interests. And try avoid people much as I can.
All the 'deep stuff that you shouldn't share with others' I do in internet forums.
Quote from: oOoOoOo on February 25, 2016, 02:16:33 AM
How do you deal with not wanting to deal with people in general?
Very well indeed. I recall feeling lonely and rejected when I was a teenager, of course - never having had the guts to leave school and home at an early age is a regret of mine - but that became over the years more a sense of understanding that I had in many ways dodged a bullet. Because when you're rejected you become a spectator and you see things a lot more accurately than those actually participating in the shit-pit of life. These days I get the opposite of loneliness - I feel calm and normal when there's no one around but when I'm with people I feel frustrated and bitter. I am a misanthrope and these days my misanthropy a lot more rational than emotional.
Not that I'm above the odd bit of socialising, usually more one-on-one than groups of people. The friends I have are few but true.
Quote from: oOoOoOo on February 25, 2016, 02:16:33 AM
Ever since I was a little kid talking to people just wore me out. Talking with people for prolonged periods of time makes it harder to think.
YES. As anyone who knows me will confirm, I am a sociable person when I'm out to the point of being a brainless slut - I blabber at people I've just met and overshare, I like to talk in a large group and probably dominate the table with my verbal diarrhoea and idiotic banter - well why not. But after these occasional nights out or gigs played I need time to recharge my batteries with solitude and quiet. So many relationships I've been in have gone tits-up because I just need to be alone too often. Some people seem to find it difficult but for me there isn't much better than a night on my own with a good miserable book and a pile of Maurizio Bianchi albums as background.
I find most people otherwise unimportant, so therefore, communicating with them is easy. I get excited by a lot, and even things that are the opposite of what I am at the moment. I can have a blast talking to religious people and Christians about portions of the bible. People don't get to me, so socialization comes naturally.
I guess the more rejected you become, the thicker the skin gets, bigger the ego, so easier the time communicating with people?
Social isolation can be achieved only reducing interaction with people, even likeminded.
No internet. No Social networks. No forums. No party. No Gigs. No girlfriends/boyfriends.
=
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/0a/Pentti_Linkola_2.jpg/180px-Pentti_Linkola_2.jpg)
I am very good for company, i can be a great friend, the one who will never betray you first. But i don't give second chances. Did you fuck me / lie to me / do something behind my back ? BYE ! So simple even if we had years of close friendship. You wont see me or hear from me again, unless you did something terrible to me, then you ll see me when you don't expect me haha. As a child, i used to change cities with my family almost every year cause of my father's work. I had changed 7-8 schools in 12 years. I always made new friends very easy and i always goodbyed them forever very soon cause we had to leave. So i have developed both skills naturally. And it is 8 years now since i have been "trained" on isolation too. Hard "training", don't wanna talk more about it. Anyway, i have found a type of balance where i enjoy both lonelyness and the not so often social interactions too. Family is all that matters imo, not friends. Friends come and go ...
Well... at work i have to endure people. I have to behave to get the shit done. In my free time, i dont like people around me, expect my close friends
but they are far away. I see them like 4-6 times each year. Normally, it is me and my girl and the animals. We live surrounded by nature and i only
have contact with the "world out there", when i go to work or to buy stuff. In my free time i prefer to stay by myself (and with my girl).
I have still close contact to my true friends (everybody in this class i know for more then 15 years and they earnd my trust by action) via internet.
Skype and WhatsApp. So, they are close by somehow and i dont feel lonely. People around me at work or when i drive the car to the city - i just reject.
They are just there. Not more.
Ah friends. You know, I've had about 4 friends in my time on the internet. When I say friends, I mean people who you can really speak to heart to heart, people who you can have thoughtful philosophical discussions with, without guarding your emotions. These 4 friendships all ended with either me cutting off contact, or them cutting off contact. Usually the tension just grows to be too extraordinary.
I removed one who I still like as a person, because they were starting to worry me.
I removed another because they were extremely psychologically unstable, the fighting became too much for me to endure.
I was removed by another because they apparently didn't like me all that much anyways. They don't seem to like or befriend anyone really, so whatever.
I removed another one because they were an absolute asshole, who I could not stand trying to constantly disrespect me and fuck with my emotions.
These were the best friendships I've had in my entire life. I just wonder what it would take to find someone who I could be friends with outside of the internet. I dread it. I feel so much misery and shame for all the times I've tried to interact with people outside of the net. I remind myself though, that I am weird and I need weird people to understand me. Perhaps I shouldn't feel so bad about all the miserable encounters I had with average shmucks outside of the web, because I can't be surrounded by people who wouldn't understand me.
Returning topic after some time of thinking:
I'v had maybe 3 real friends but we just lost same interests some point after my school end 4-5 years ago.
They go bar or house-parties with bigger groups of people (5-10 people).
I don't like being on group or alcohol.
I don't feel myself lonely either.
I'm very social. I work in a psychiatric clinic so as an occupation I have to be. Typically deal with hundreds of people per week, oath clients and co workers. I like that aspect of it, especially the clients who are typically outcasts from society regardless if they want to be or not. It's a sure fire way to see it from the other side. It's the kind of thing where if I worked in an office or some shit I wouldn't be all that interested but I enjoy the socialization I experience.
However, the older I get the less interest I have in being around anyone in my off time. I went to a super crowded show last night and had it not been for the band I wanted to see I would have checked out after an hour. Plus being downtown, it's really difficult to see the appeal , unless you're in your 20's.My wife and I are long term planning to move out of the city, sell our house and buy some farmland or some shit. Have more dogs, etc. I'm already far enough out of the downtown core that it feels isolated but the idea of having no neighbours is really cool. Pickup truck, vegetable garden, etc.... The closer I get to 40 the more appealing it sounds. Not some unabomber type shit, I still like people but just in smaller doses. Have my sister in law and her husband up for a weekend? Have some friends over and make some music? That's the dream. Especially the pickup truck.
i can talk with someone face to face for a period of x time only when im drunk straight i can't stand it unless it on internet ... the less people around the less problem for me period
@Holy Ghost
I'm on that page as well, we're in Detroit so you can still get that country in the city vibe. My neighbor is going to take on a whole abandon park to farm on! Eventually I think we'll move to the country, I personally would like to go to the desert.
I'm looking for work in public saftey. Police, Fire, EMS so being social is a given. I find it to be rewarding to talk to all kinds of different folks from different backgrounds and hearing there perspective of life. In a lot of ways this is the fuel that keeps me going, it helps me understand my life and id dare to say it enriches theirs to share their experiences and dreams with another individual. I'm very much an ambivert which causes some confusion for other people.
In my free time I really only spend it with my fiancé and I'm completely content with that, though we get out to art openings and the ocassional show, and ocassionally entertain (I worked in restaurants a long time so I usally do the cooking and hangout in the kitchen, so I get my distance while also getting to engage with almost everyone). It can be a little hard to adjust if she is out of town but I got our two dogs and they usually get me out so I talk to the neighbors. I think I'm one of those people who a lot of people think they know really well and would be really shocked to find out they didn't. I only let them see the skin of the onion for the most part.
And yea, got a pickup last year. Ford Ranger stick shift. Highly recommended! Hah
Quote from: Johann on March 10, 2016, 05:07:16 AM
I'm looking for work in public saftey. Police, Fire, EMS so being social is a given. I find it to be rewarding to talk to all kinds of different folks from different backgrounds and hearing there perspective of life. In a lot of ways this is the fuel that keeps me going, it helps me understand my life and id dare to say it enriches theirs to share their experiences and dreams with another individual. I'm very much an ambivert which causes some confusion for other people.
I had to google ambivert but based on the buzzfeed article I read that sums me up too, haha.... I like people, but I hate crowds. I don't want to be crammed on a streetcar, in a crowded grocery store, downtown EVER or in a movie theatre. But I love working with people, especially my clients who are among the most marginalized people. If I could move now I would but it just doesn't make sense financially. In 15-20 or so years I hopefully can, live away from people and interact when I want to, not because I have to.
Honestly my life goal at this point is drinking a cup of coffee in the morning on a dock with a dog or four nearby. My fear is I'll drop dead from a stroke by the time I retire and all those years working will be wasted. Not
wasted but you know what I mean....
Quote from: Staalwaart on February 29, 2016, 01:53:21 PM
Well... at work i have to endure people. I have to behave to get the shit done. In my free time, i dont like people around me, expect my close friends
but they are far away. I see them like 4-6 times each year. Normally, it is me and my girl and the animals. We live surrounded by nature and i only
have contact with the "world out there", when i go to work or to buy stuff. In my free time i prefer to stay by myself (and with my girl).
I have still close contact to my true friends (everybody in this class i know for more then 15 years and they earnd my trust by action) via internet.
Skype and WhatsApp. So, they are close by somehow and i dont feel lonely. People around me at work or when i drive the car to the city - i just reject.
They are just there. Not more.
This is very close to my own views and circumstances. At work I always have to be someone else. It's kind of schizophrenic at times, I mean I'm responsible for a team of 12 persons, and I can't tell them to fuck off whenever they approach me with some silly questions or whatever. So my work persona is for sure very different to my private life. It's like wearing some kind of mask.
I very much prefer to be alone in my freetime, I can only stand the presence of my girlfriend most of the time. All in all there are 5 guys I can call my friends. Some of them moved away years ago and we only meet on special occasions, but I enjoy these meetings a lot.
I feel very calm when there's no one around and I hate when someone wants to come by just because they have nothing better to do (this includes my parents as well, for example). I almost get angry when I'm walking in the woods and see some silly dressed joggers and walkers passing by, as there would be no other places for them to go.
It's like E.M. Cioran said: Only those moments count, when the desire to remain by yourself is so powerful that you'd prefer to blow your brains out than exchange a word with someone.
One of my favourite paintings is 'Geological Destiny' by Salvador Dali. It's very calming in the first place, but then the human figure with the child in the background makes it also very disturbing. I think this represents a big part of my personal self.
(http://41.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3kr6lhcWc1qcokq0o1_1280.jpg)
seems like it's becoming hip and cool to be seen as an "introvert" like some kind of cool & mysterious guy b.s. people try to cultivate an image but really they just want to drink and party but listen to metal records instead of club music.
I want to drink and party and listen to metal records but I want to do it with no one else around....
Maybe sometimes other people are around but then I want to retire to my nut hut in the woods with a bunch of pet goats and a couple dogs.....
Quoteseems like it's becoming hip and cool to be seen as an "introvert" like some kind of cool & mysterious guy b.s. people try to cultivate an image but really they just want to drink and party but listen to metal records instead of club music.
It's always the 'angriest' and most 'nihilistic' performers that are the heaviest social party drinkers at shows - almost guaranteed. Don't be fooled by the metal music as well - post show Ipod jams through the PA always degenerate into club music. I don't know why a lot of 'nihilistic' metal and noise performers even waste time going to related 'underground' shows when they can have a way better time downtown at dance clubs.
Quote from: THE RITA HN on April 05, 2016, 02:13:51 AM
Quoteseems like it's becoming hip and cool to be seen as an "introvert" like some kind of cool & mysterious guy b.s. people try to cultivate an image but really they just want to drink and party but listen to metal records instead of club music.
It's always the 'angriest' and most 'nihilistic' performers that are the heaviest social party drinkers at shows - almost guaranteed. Don't be fooled by the metal music as well - post show Ipod jams through the PA always degenerate into club music. I don't know why a lot of 'nihilistic' metal and noise performers even waste time going to related 'underground' shows when they can have a way better time downtown at dance clubs.
I'm not sure if there was some sense of sarcasm being conveyed here which I just didn't pick up on, but wouldn't it be difficult to have a better time at dance clubs if club music is insufferable? I know that I am particularly annoyed with poppy music, annoying hooks get caught in my head easily, I often try to avoid that sort of music like the plague.
I don't even like drinking, I like people but I don't like being around them very much. Talking with people in general just makes me feel like my brain is running a marathon, I get mental fatigue from trying to talk with others. I don't think people in a club environment really talk though, I'd think the music would be too loud. Come to think of it I dunno what people even do in clubs, but when I am at a loud place I usually just see people huddled together with their friends with drinks with loud music and noise.
I find that if I'm talking to someone one on one, specifically about something engaging and intellectual, I don't feel worn out by talking as much, it's weird.
I really don't know how people do it, I guess that's why they have categories like introvert and extrovert. I have never been one who was able to really connect or relate to people in general. I've always been sort of a loner, I don't really know what it is about me. By my accounts I'm not ugly, I have good hygiene, I'm not too fat or too thin, I dress sensibly, yet I'm just a ghost.
Btw are you really The Rita? I walked up to you one time at a concert when Richard Ramirez, a week of kindness, and serpentine were performing. I was wearing an atrax morgue shirt, if you remember? Yeah I used to go to that club a lot lol. I stopped because basically all I'd ever do is sit around alone there, it also seemed like a pretty dangerous place. If you are The Rita, I always did want to ask you if you or Richard Ramirez or his husband (if that was the guy next to you) if you ever met Marco Corbelli.
Idk what people even do at clubs, or what the point is. You can't hear anyone talk, the music sucks, drinking to me is a waste of time and just adds extra calories that I could replace with something healthy.
I wish I was being sarcastic.
Yes, I remember seeing you.
I never met Marco personally. The closest 'brush' I had with him was when he toured Japan a season ahead of me also hosted by Molehill Mailorder. Richard was definitely closer to Marco, but he'd have to tell you if he's hung with him or not.
isolation : stay home & read a book
Isolation is lonely murder.
Quote from: bitewerksMTB on April 06, 2016, 01:24:42 AMIsolation is lonely murder.
Especially when you're insidious and alone.
Isolation hurts when you start to think about existence and the vacuum of the void.
Maxime Qavtaradze, the last Ortodox hermit
(http://img.thesun.co.uk/aidemitlum/archive/01802/Feet2_1802351a.jpg)
isolation : stay home & make some noise
Quote from: cr on March 19, 2016, 07:28:50 PM
I almost get angry when I'm walking in the woods and see some silly dressed joggers and walkers passing by, as there would be no other places for them to go.
I have exactly the same merit. I hate it to the bone to see anybody (let alone fancy joggers...) if i (or we) walk the woods and moors around here.
Just ruins the whole atmosphere.
QuoteI almost get angry when I'm walking in the woods and see some silly dressed joggers and walkers passing by, as there would be no other places for them to go.
QuoteI have exactly the same merit. I hate it to the bone to see anybody (let alone fancy joggers...) if i (or we) walk the woods and moors around here.
Just ruins the whole atmosphere.
I'd really like to know what the 'appropriate' person is to hang out in the woods then[?].
My brother is a cameraman for National Geographic, BC Wildlife Foundation, etc. and hangs out with naturalists and scientists in the woods, on trails, etc. very often. On the outside they look like pretty normal 'walkers', etc. but probably should be in the woods over some dressed-in-black misanthropist dude wearing a Drudkh shirt[?].
I find wearing band t shirts in public to be rather embarrassing. I feel very self conscious, I don't want people reading something I have on my shirt. I'd wear a band shirt to a concert, which I used to do, until I realized that showing enthusiasm for your favorite art form isn't really something people do in a general concert venue setting. I wore this t shirt for the band crywank one time, I was the only one there with a band shirt and I just felt like a total idiot. Anyone who doesn't know crywank, it's a really tight folk artist, one of the best artists I've ever heard. But yeah, I used to think band shirts were really cool, but I don't think so anymore. That's the last thing I want is attention for the shirt I'm wearing, it makes me feel paranoid that people are likely looking at my shirt.
Quote from: oOoOoOo on April 12, 2016, 03:07:02 AM...I realized that showing enthusiasm for your favorite art form isn't really something people do in a general concert venue setting.
People be fucked. Wear it loud, wear it proud I say, if that's your bag.
I only want to wear band shirts if I'm like, at a cottage or some shit, which is why I only buy longsleeves now. Because of the mosquitoes.
And let's get fuckin' real here how often do I get to go to a cottage? Honestly not very often....
Haha yea, I don't wear band shirts at all really. I really enjoy sewing (manly man I am) so ocassionally i will put fabric "patches" on things (but just abstract shit I make), I used to avoid all logo clothing because I just don't care for being a bill board but now I just wear whatever. I could really care less.
But hey, don't feel weird for wearing them. I can understand the absurdity of the whole thing, when I went to see Marshall Allen do sun ra it was a bunch of old guys wearing sun ra arkestra shirts.Guess it was a thing back in the 70s to wear the shirt or the band you support. So if it feels good, just do it.
The whole misanthropes in the woods thing was priceless. the only thing that bums me out is when people listen to their personal speakers in public places, but whatever, if it makes them happy I can be happy for them.
I have no internet except at work, no cell phone, no facebook....no friends really as my circle has moved away although we keep in touch, one girl I see occassionally, those who do know me give me shit about living a 'cave man' life style heh.
My whole life I've been employed through jobs or made money illegallly where it required me to be around, interact with, and socialize with people extensively. I've had the same circle of 3 friends or so since my youth who have all changed drastically but I still love their company, I've more often then not lived with roommates and/or girlfriends, I currently volunteer at my local library where I have to interact with the degenerate waste of American society daily for no pay and I actually enjoy it, never was one to actively socialize outside my friends/acquaintances but never had any problem doing so if necessary (I learned at a young age that despite the fact I feel uncomfortable or awkward every moment of my life and especially socially, it's rooted in the fact that I don't relate to 98% of people I've encountered in my life at all but it doesn't worry me as what people do with their lives couldn't be less interesting to me anyways) but the irony of all of this is I've felt like an introvert always.
At this point in my life, I prefer to spend most of my time alone. I agree with the original poster that social interaction, especially with your average, every day person is both exhausting and boring. Still, I confess to a morbid fascination with the eccentricities, details, and subtle aspects of these people that we're all surrounded by every day and how they live, function, the every day insanity they accept as reality etc. Perhaps why I enjoy socializing and dating occassionally or under the right circumstances, but as many others have mentioned...my ideal night is a good record, some time with the girl I love, a book, a night of good quality hallucinogens, a stimulating discussion with a friend, exploring cinema or just listening to how quiet it gets a night or the wind, little things that you can't appreciate in a HUGE or over active social setting....when I'm not working or I don't have to deal with people I'm not going to, I've seen every side of human nature in my drug dealing days and that's not even getting to what I've seen in my professional career and I can tell you even without being a misanthrope...99% aren't worth the time at all...and most of them are already dead inside anyway.
Insidious and Alone for the rest of my life likely haha
Time to listen to some Mania..
Quote from: THE RITA HN on April 12, 2016, 01:36:46 AM
QuoteI almost get angry when I'm walking in the woods and see some silly dressed joggers and walkers passing by, as there would be no other places for them to go.
QuoteI have exactly the same merit. I hate it to the bone to see anybody (let alone fancy joggers...) if i (or we) walk the woods and moors around here.
Just ruins the whole atmosphere.
I'd really like to know what the 'appropriate' person is to hang out in the woods then[?].
My brother is a cameraman for National Geographic, BC Wildlife Foundation, etc. and hangs out with naturalists and scientists in the woods, on trails, etc. very often. On the outside they look like pretty normal 'walkers', etc. but probably should be in the woods over some dressed-in-black misanthropist dude wearing a Drudkh shirt[?].
Hah, it wasn't my intention to focus on how somebody is dressed. Or what the appropriate persons would be to hang out in the woods.
Because of work schedule and various other reasons, I don't have the time to go to the woods very often. But if I do I just prefer to be alone, that's all. And then comes the jogger and the 'nordic walker' in bright yellow leggins and pink headband. But I'm quite sure they don't like my company as well, hehe.
Quote from: THE RITA HN on April 05, 2016, 02:13:51 AM
post show Ipod jams through the PA always degenerate into club music. I don't know why a lot of 'nihilistic' metal and noise performers even waste time going to related 'underground' shows when they can have a way better time downtown at dance clubs.
Yeah what's up with this? maybe it's an american thing. i hate when people "ironically" play r kelly or whatever thru the p.a.
Quote from: l.b. on May 17, 2016, 07:26:38 PM
Quote from: THE RITA HN on April 05, 2016, 02:13:51 AM
post show Ipod jams through the PA always degenerate into club music. I don't know why a lot of 'nihilistic' metal and noise performers even waste time going to related 'underground' shows when they can have a way better time downtown at dance clubs.
Yeah what's up with this? maybe it's an american thing. i hate when people "ironically" play r kelly or whatever thru the p.a.
No heard it far to often over here, I know they try to be self- deprecating but given how much it happened I figured they actually like it.
"Neurosis is a distorted way of looking at the world and at oneself, which is determined by compulsive needs rather than by a genuine interest in the world as it is."
I cannot remember where I found this quote, but I think it applies perfectly. It has always struck me how people with social anxiety/problems always complain about their unmet needs. To me it seems like an ego problem more than an actual social problem. With all due respect for the hardships and misunderstandings it must take to form such an unfit identity.
With all due respect, no soup for you!