I figured this would be a pretty interesting thread to start. I thought about throwing the essay in the Whitehouse thread however I'm also curious to see what everyone else has to post here. If my writing is poor I apologize, just wanted to write down my thoughts. I'm not super intricate with my lanuage so this won't be entirely formal.
***WARNING FOR DISCUSSION OF POTENTIALLY SENSITIVE TOPICS***
BPD = Borderline Personality Disorder
pwBPD = Person with BPD
Mental illness isn't really an uncommon topic at all in noise music, and as a pwBPD, I found myself morbidly relating to the song 'Cut Hands Has the Solution' by Whitehouse. From what I see online, I think people overall interpret it as a song about self harm, eating disorders too, the "I know you're a slow, fussy pathetic eater" line adds up for that but, I can't help but look deeply into the lyrics of this song and see the worst parts of my life be so linearly represented.
With my experience in my own BPD, I feel like a prisoner in my own mind a lot of the time. When addressing my feelings, sharing my own ailments with people such as my favorite person I feel the need to refer to my feelings as a seperate entity. I feel like this is just because I wish so badly it could be different and I could 'fix' myself. I'm saying things like "My BPD makes me think (So and So)" or "My BPD is freaking out" so on and so forth. I am self aware of these things, my distorted thoughts are wrong, but it doesn't make it feel any less real inside to acknowledge that they're distorted. They just are. It's how I feel in the moment.
I see this song as a narrator speaking to an individual, in this case 'Cut Hands'... and the way I am interpreting it, Cut hands would be the entity. Cut Hands is BPD speaking to a pwBPD's brain. Cut Hands reminds you that you're aware of these things, and yet you can't do much to help yourself. Even the title (and i suppose also a line in the song) "Cut Hands Has The Solution", the solution in question would be to commit suicide. An phenomenon in BPD is a pwBPD will often feel like the only way to fix themselves is to end their life. I am now going to highlight specific lines in the lyrics that resonate with me.
"I'll tell you:
It's helping
I'll tell you:
You're doing the right thing"
I just touched on this a moment before. Viewing the song as written as described above as BPD or 'Cut Hands' speaking to the pwBPD's conciousness, I interpret this as again the pwBPD is aware of their actions, how self harm and other depracating behaviors are ultimately hurting them in the long run, yet over and over they will have this voice (Cut Hands) inside their heads that tells them to do it. That it's ok, it's what you need to do and it is helping you.
"I can see you're used
And I don't know where you've been
But I do know past failures still haunt you"
Dwelling on past mistakes, past traumas actively affecting you even if it was years or decades ago. This might also be a comment on failed suicide attempts.
"Thoughtless slow remarks you later regret
It's hard to own up and take the blame
For being a nervous gibbering wreck
So go on be a careless fucking onlooker
So you can sit and not-think about pain"
In episodes, a pwBPD fails to rationalize. They can say things they don't mean, or that they word harshly in the heat of their own emotions consuming them. They feel guilty for this, they feel an immense amount of dread. This leads to a pwBPD to isolate themselves from other people for this. They fear abandonment, and they know these behaviors cause people to leave them. So, they feel the only solution to this is to isolate themselves and not let themselves get close to anyone. On the off chance that they might fuck it up. The idea of being abandoned after a connection to us is worse.
"Question: did you ever hurt yourself to make somebody sorry?
How often do you pretend to be sick?
You ever wanted something very much but never told anybody about it?
Are you such a slug you can't live without a fucking sundae?
You ever made a bit too much fuss over your cuts?
Yes, the cutting will be quite dramatic
If you get the crisscross slit right
And show an exposed piece of bone
Ready for the harvest"
PwBPD struggle with self harm. Not all, but a majority. It is one of the points you can hit in the diagnostic criteria.
"You'll learn about the kitty-cut
Before the privilege of seeing your own blood
I'll let you suck brown-brown and clairil
So you know how papa's so brave
I'll show you the wide-awake nightmare
And now you can buy some fucking fear"
BPD feels like a living nightmare, such trauma happens at a young age and pwBPD can often even start self harming at a very young age.
"So new question: can you:
Spot a person who's like me?
Can you: imagine
A difference between their body and yours?
Can you: imagine
A person who looks like you?
Could you:
Spot a person who looks unlike you?
Can you:
Spot a person who's how you want to be?
Can you:
Imagine a person who you'd never want to be?"
The lack of a stable identity within BPD ties into this.
At the very end it says:
"Cut hands has the solution
We'll feed you to every hungry bird
We'll feed you to every starving animal
And we'll let them eat fat till they're full
And will let them drink blood till they're drunk
As I tell you:
It's helping
While I tell you:
You're doing the right thing"
Even after you've destroyed yourself, your relationships, or your own body, giving up parts of yourself, you'll do it again and again, because you have no idea how to break out of the cycle.
There are parts I missed in this song that I could have annotated, but hopefully this perspective was interesting to read! I'm sure the literal meaning of the song is somewhat different but this is how I saw it.
Feel free to also share some songs that either have similar themes to this or you think could be interpreted in that way! I'd love to read and discuss
