QuoteInfirmary interview raised my eyebrows. Very interesting but not sure how to accept it - strong hints of "Satanic panic" but coming from his own personal experiences, who knows? Makes me want to listen to his sounds, that's for sure; hope they meet expectations.
I just read your comment. At the time of the interview I was mentally ill (nearly suicidal) and was hallucinating on an anti-psychotic called Seraquil actually believing that angels were floating around in my room because I was trying to contact them and thought it was a response till I realized that everybody hallucinates on seraguil (it wasn't prescribed to me I just tried it out to answer the interview).
My girlfriend at the time had physically attacked me after convincing me she was ectopically pregnant right before she went to the mental ward and slashing her wrists on top of already old scars. Loving her still, this behavoir becoming a frequent event and I came down with heavy schizo-affective symptoms and a state of unreality caused by severe circumstances.
Having hallucinated on psychedelic drugs enough to know what's real and what's not + having seen abnormal (paranormal) things from a very young age that were very obviously not hallucinations. It could have very well developed into a very serious form of schizophrenia and state of unreality/disassociative disorder had I not made it to the proper neuro-psychiatrists, because my mind shut down completely it seemed from stress last fall and I started writing a bunch of odd stuff. An ability I didn't have before, but now I can do it at will.
At the time of the interview it was total Satanic panic but when I learned the basics of theology from my physicist friend and some books. I was finally able to write off most of the religious poison that had been fed to me in a cult-like sect. of Christianity that I was a member of during junior high school. We were not allowed to have TV's or non-religious music except on cassettes given by the church. The threat of seven demons was always being yelled at us from the pulpit should we leave the church, otherwise known as the fold. We were not allowed to date. I was excommunicated after my behavoir of sneaking out to party had become well-known. All that is old news to me, but did lodge as stressors in my mind.
Three weeks ago I had five attacks in seven days that felt like 20-40 minute attempts at possession by unseen entities that tried to make me kill myself with a knife and in the early stages of these attacks they would surface from my subconscious to my mind as a spirit-cobra or serpent. If you've ever felt like you can communicate without talking, this was what was coming at me. Something that could speak without words..
Recently, I started reading a book on psychic self-defense and have been doing very well with no recent problems. There is a thin line between the mystic and the lunatic. The mystic can become a lunatic if the aura is not kept strong, but it is definitely way more complex than that.
Right now I'm undergoing EMDR regression therapy and have to relive the most severe paranormal events that have happened. Now I face the invisible forces with a deeper understanding and am constantly learning.
What I have is a lifelong dilemna that I first wrote off as unreality or mental illness (turned out to be just complex ptsd). Now I see it as a gift. When psychology could go no further, it was obscure occult literature that had finally helped me though I'd been reading it for years I only reached for the right book when I was under siege and fearing my own hand knowing that I was trying to deny the truth, but I've seen panic attacks. Nothing in the abnormal psychology books could explain this or anything my doctors said.
Sonically, I've been working on a release since the attacks called "The Diagnostic Dimension Of Axes- Operation Of The Invisible Forces". I'm trying to evoke musically the progressive nature of being harassed by what might be five or more entities at once, or appearing randomly to fuck with me.
The worst part is over, my true autobiography made a therapist cry yet I feel great for a few weeks now. Knowledge and skepticism is power over self. Music and art is a release of poison in my mind.
That's all I can really say, I went insane for a good year but was cleared last week of all possible schizo-affective or disassociative disorders. I've been living on couches or in beds with an occasional woman for a few nights at a time & only deriving money from my mastering service and music label, but I am at peace and crawling back to solid ground having left the psychotic woman that I had been living with. She was also haunted by some of the same things I'd seen, including us both seeing a guitar rise and fall at once. I said "see it's not a hallucination", but she eventually went completely insane from terror and fell to the needle and hard drugs.
All I can do is get back into the workforce after the EMDR sessions are over and continue to build upon my "occult" knowledge and use it for what I see as good, to not stray into the "left-hand path" again.
Although my recent audio gets darker and darker, it is a release of evil rather than an identity and most people who associate with me in person see me as being clear-headed and strong, not a raging lunatic.
