Mixtape # 18 "Mental Confusion"Strangest mixtape so far, and for a good reason. I tried to provide the soundtrack of manic confusion state in bipolar, based on personal experiences. From the rush to ecstasy, euphoria to anxiety and racing thoughts, oppressive confusion and the feeling of being overwhelmed with too many various emotions. A 2h30 roller coaster in a mind of a mentally ill.
No one has ever described bipolar disorder better than Kay Redfield Jamison in her book "An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness". From mania to 'mixed state' where confusion reigns and erases every rational thoughts, leading to an inevitable depression.
Riding the cosmos, dying in the gutter.
"There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness, and terror involved in this kind of madness. When you're high it's tremendous. The ideas and feelings are fast and frequent like shooting stars, and you follow them until you find better and brighter ones. Shyness goes, the right words and gestures are suddenly there, the power to captivate others a felt certainty. There are interests found in uninteresting people. Sensuality is pervasive and the desire to seduce and be seduced irresistible. Feelings of ease, intensity, power, well-being, financial omnipotence, and euphoria pervade one's marrow. But, somewhere, this changes. The fast ideas are far too fast, and there are far too many; overwhelming confusion replaces clarity. Memory goes. Humor and absorption on friends' faces are replaced by fear and concern. Everything previously moving with the grain is now against-- you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and enmeshed totally in the blackest caves of the mind. You never knew those caves were there. It will never end, for madness carves its own reality."1.King Blood - Vengeance, Man 02:58
2.Motley Crue - Kickstart My Heart 04:05
3.Anal Cunt - You Converted To Judaism So A Guy Would Touch Your Dick 00:16
4.Bad Brains - At The Movies 02:09
5.Donnie Castle - Stutter 01:38
6.Yo Gotti - Legendary 03:06
7.Ganksta NIP - Going To Da Death 04:46
8.Warrant - Cherry Pie 03:12
9.Entombed - Left Hand Path 02:01
10.50 Cent - My Gun Go Off 03:00
11.Hank Wood & The Hammerheads - How'm I Supposed To Wake Up In The Morning 02:32
12.Project Pat - Fight 05:27
13.Blasted Canyons - Venus In Furs (Velvet Underground) 06:05
14.Rhi - Plain Jane / Hanatarash - Cock Victory 07:22
15.Pungent Stench - Just Let Me Rot / DNA - Not Moving 04:27
16.Tears For Fears - Pale Shelter / Mark Quigley trio "Nihilistic Free Jazz" 03:32
17.John Hassel & Brian Eno - Delta Rain Dream 04:19
18.Ben Frost - Theory Of Machines 07:03
19.Swans - Coward (Live) / Borbetomagus - Barbed Wire Maggots 06:41
20.The Smiths - Hand In Glove 03:00
21.Brain Discipline - Daughter Of The Cold Progress 04:35
22.Ilhan Mimaroglu - Fragmentation 03:49
23.Prurient - Dragonflies To Sew You Up / Iskra 1903 - Improvisation 7 06:29
24.Kaleida - 99 Luftballoons (Dazed Mix) 03:49
25.John Cale - A Midnight Rain Of Green Wrens At The World's Tallest 03:03
26.Costes - La Drogue La Mort La Nuit / Kakerlak - The Heat Of The Hole 09:43
27.Kakerlak - The Heat Of The Hole / Jandek - Down In A Mirror 03:57
28.Telluric Current - Halcyon Weights 03:04
29.Emil Beaulieu - That Velvet Touch 02:23
30.Lydia Lunch - Mechanical Flattery 02:39
31.Bong - Polaris 35:06
32.Mychael Danna - It's A Process 02:04
